My Grandma

This may be a little disorganized and may sound rambled.  I'm still a little in a state of shock and mourning.  But I feel I need to get this out now, so that I don't forget my thoughts and feelings.  I just found out my grandma passed away yesterday afternoon (July 15 2010).  We all knew it was coming, just not sure how soon it would happen.  She became sick about 1 1/2 years ago and we thought she was going to go then.  But then she pulled through and has kept kicking until about a week ago. When she went back in the hospital, my dad flew out and was able to be with her for almost a week.  One of my cousins even dropped everything she was doing to drive over 600 miles to help take care of her.  She made it just in time (even after having car problems) to spend 2 hours with her before she passed. 

Things I love about my Grandma

*She would drop everything when one of her kids needed her and so her kids.  Every time my mom had another kid (which was nine times), grandma was always there, ready to take care of her and us. 

* I remember having so much fun with her.  She was a very happy person to be around.  She would rarely get mad at us, but when she did, you knew that you had disappointed her and never wanted to feel that way again. 

*She brought the best out in us.  She made you feel like you were her favorite.  I have talked to my family and they all say the same. "I just always felt that she loved me most.," because she did, she really loved everyone. 

*She remembered everything, she always had hilarious stories to tell us about when we were kids, and even when she was a kid.  

*We always had family reunions at her house, and even though I'm sure it was a pain for her, she never complained or made you feel like it was so inconvenient for her to host.  She loved us getting together and we loved being with her. 

I've had 2 other grandparents die over the past few years, but this has been the hardest.  All I can do is cry, and when I think I am done crying, the waterworks start again.  I have faith there is something else than this time we have on earth and I know that I will get to see her again, but it is still hard to say goodbye, especially since I haven't seen her in over a year and it was so close to seeing her again.  I'm grateful she is not suffering anymore and that she died the way she wanted and that so many were able to be with her during her last hours.  Today has been hard, I don't want to leave my bed, I don' want to take a shower, my poor kids have been neglected all day and all Randy wants me to do is to smile.  But it hurts to smile.  It hurts to do anything remotely human.  I've been watching TV pretty much all day, except when I've talked to my sister on the phone, because as long as there's noise and something else for me to focus on, I'm ok, but when I'm by myself, I just can't help it.  The flood of emotions just come right back.  I know this to shall pass, I just need a day of feeling sorry for myself before I move on, and move on I will.

Grandma, I love you, and I miss you so much.  May you rest in peace.